


MANIC Fire

by hautecontre



Series: The MANIC Society [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Kilgarrah finds out, M/M, Magical orgasms exist, Morgana is sneaky, crackfic, everyone is clueless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 20:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17029755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hautecontre/pseuds/hautecontre
Summary: Kilgarrah makes a foolish bet with Morgana. Hijinks and revelations ensue.





	MANIC Fire

“He’s late. He’s never late.” Merlin looked up at the sky, perplexed.  
“Since when have you been concerned about being punctual?” replied a bemused Arthur. “And why exactly have you dragged me to a field in the middle of nowhere? Is there something you’re trying to hide from the rest of the court?”  
“Well, it’s more that I don’t want to flatten the rest of the court when he arrives.”  
“Wait. Flatten? You don’t mean—“   
The rest of Arthur’s statement was drowned out by the sound of a large creature landing. Once Arthur had gotten over his shock and regained his ability to speak, he finally asked: “Kilgarrah is the Great Dragon? You wanted us to meet with the Great Dragon? What is wrong with you, Merlin? Have you completely lost your mind?” Turning to Kilgarrah, “And why haven’t you tried to roast me yet? I thought you wanted to destroy all of Camelot!”  
“My argument was never with you, Arthur, just your father.”  
“Well, that’s good, I suppose. So, to get to business, the reason we’re here is to let you know that we are about to end the ban on magic in Camelot. Merlin here is to be appointed official Court Sorcerer.”  
“What? Noooooooooo!!!” screamed Kilgarrah as he spat out a short burst of flame at a nearby stand of trees that had been, oddly enough, the same stand where a pack of wyverns had recently plummeted to their deaths.  
“Kilgarrah!” shouted Merlin as he quickly worked to extinguish the flames with his magic. After that, he tried to restore the trees to something resembling good health, but it seemed a lost cause and he soon gave up on the attempt. “Please don’t start forest fires. And why are you so upset, anyway? You were the one who wanted magic restored!”  
“No, don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled magic will return to Camelot. The problem is I just lost a bet and the wager will kill me to pay.”  
“What was the bet—and what exactly did you wager?”  
“That magic wouldn’t be restored before Samhain. The wager was who was going to oversee Aithusa’s growing into her full magical powers.”  
“Oh.”  
“Oh?” Arthur asked confusedly? “What’s the big deal about it?”  
“Imagine a toddler undergoing teething,” replied Merlin. “Now imagine that baby can breathe fire.” Arthur winced in sympathy.  
“I see how that might be a problem.”  
“It’s worse than that,” offered Kilgarrah. “It can take a dragon twenty years to finish the process. Now I won’t be able to go on vacation for decades!”  
Now it was Merlin’s turn to be confused. “Where do dragons go on vacation?”   
“Well, we head further south where there’s more sun and heat. We dragons like that stuff, if you haven’t noticed. But alas, my next trip to Cabo San Lucas won’t be for many years now.”  
“That’s a shame,” answered Merlin before a thought occurred to him. “Wait. Did you lose this bet to Morgana’s spirit?”   
Morgana had recently died under mysterious circumstances in her castle. No one was quite sure what had killed her, but she had recently started showing up to MANIC Society meetings as a spirit and was very reluctant to talk about how she died, even when asked directly. “It’s none of your business,” was all she would say.  
“Why, yes? How did you know?”  
“That’s not important,” replied Merlin. “What matters is how much is going on vacation worth to you.”  
“I would be even further in your debt, young warlock..”  
“Would you be willing to grant me a favor, not yet knowing what it is?”  
“If it’s within my power, name it, and it shall be done.”  
Arthur leaned in toward Merlin and said in a low voice: “What are you doing, Merlin?”  
“Arthur, please let me negotiate with the nice dragon over there. I promise it will be worth your while.”  
“All right. I’ll just wait over there,” said Arthur, pointing toward a nearby rock, looking somewhat miffed from having been cut of the negotiations. “It’s not as if I’m the king or anything,” he said as he retreated.  
“As if you let us forget,” replied Merlin in exasperation. Returning his attention to Kilgarrah: “Let me deal with this. And remember—you promised.”   
“I did—and you know I must obey. So please don’t put me into a situation I will regret.”  
“Don’t worry, Kilgarrah. This will all be taken care of shortly. Morgana!”  
At Merlin’s shout, Morgana’s spirit quickly appeared, seated next to where Arthur had perched. She looked as she did in her younger days before her heel turn toward evil and the unkempt, wild look she cultivated as she became progressively more insane.  
“Yes, Merlin?” she replied meekly. “What can I do for you?”  
“Morgana, did you happen to make a bet with Kilgarrah about restoring magic to Camelot?”  
“I might have. What’s the big deal?”  
“And did you base that bet on information you acquired while you were a spirit, from spying on me and Arthur?”  
“Spying on us? What? How? Merlin,” sputtered Arthur, “is every dead spirit watching us when we’re alone?”  
“I didn’t mean to do it,” said Morgana by way of excuse. Merlin glared at her.   
“Really, Morgana? You think you can just spy on the living like that?”   
“I didn’t mean to. It’s just that, well, who wouldn’t want to watch?”   
“Eww. Morgana! I’m your half-brother!” cried out Arthur in disgust as he moved away from the spirit.  
“Back me up, Kilgarrah! You know you’d watch if you could.”  
“I’m going to be sick,” said Arthur, looking around for a place to empty out his stomach.  
“Quit it, everyone! Focus,” ordered Merlin in an attempt to regain control of the situation. “Stop distracting us from the real issues, Morgana. You based a bet with a living soul on information you could only have gleaned as a spirit. That’s not allowed.”  
“I didn’t know that. Really, I swear.”  
“Ignorance is not a defense. Now, while you did win the bet, your win was based on deception and therefore you must give up a forfeit. You will watch over Aithusa for three months out of the year until Aithusa’s magic has fully developed.”  
“Three months a year! That’s not fair!”   
“No, not fair will be what happens to you if you refuse. Your spirit will spend its time on earth with the worst hair day in existence. Remember how you looked when you were living in that hut?”  
“Ugh, of course. It was awful.”  
“Well, if you refuse, the way you look will make Medusa look like Helen of Troy in comparison.”   
“Who are Medusa and Helen? I’ve never heard of them before.”  
“Oh, never mind. You’ll have the worst hair day in all of recorded history. Does that suffice?”  
“All right, all right, enough,” said Morgana. “I accept your terms.”  
“Kilgarrah, do you accept?”  
Kilgarrah was clearly not completely satisfied but also seemed to realize it was the best deal he was going to get. “Fair enough. I accept.”  
“If that’s settled, then, you may go,” said Merlin, dismissing Morgana. “But please stop trying to watch. It’s creepy.”  
“Fine,” said Morgana’s spirit as she disappeared.  
Kilgarrah turned to Merlin with a mixture of relief and concern. “Thank you, warlock, for freeing me from surely losing my mind. Now what is it that you wanted in return?”  
“I would like you to accept the commandments of Arthur as if they were my own.”  
“I am afraid that is not in my power to grant, young warlock. Unless. . . .”  
“Unless what?”  
“No, that’s not possible.”   
“What’s impossible?”  
“Only a consort of a dragon lord can receive such a gift from a dragon.”  
“And how do you know he’s not my consort?”  
“We’ve been trying for years to make that happen. Clearly you are not together.”  
“Are you so sure of that?”  
“But, but. . . . How could you be consorts?”  
“How do you think Arthur found out about my magic?”  
“What?”   
“It’s hard to ignore my magic when my eyes started glowing and I started floating six inches off the ground.”  
“When did this happen? How?”  
Arthur’s attention suddenly returned to the conversation. “You see, I was doing this thing—“  
Arthur found his mouth covered by Merlin’s hand. “Arthur!” shouted Merlin without removing his hand. “Did you enjoy doing that thing?” Arthur nodded. “Did you enjoy me doing that thing to you?” An even more vigorous nod ensued. “Would you like me to continue doing that thing?” A muffled “definitely” could be heard from Arthur along with further nodding.  
“Then don’t talk about the thing with the nosy dragon sitting right over there!”  
“Oh, don’t mind me,” said Kilgarrah. “We’re all friends here, and I’d certainly love to know what that thing was.”   
“A gentleman never tells,” said Merlin. “Besides, the details aren’t important.”  
“All right,” said Kilgarrah, realizing he wouldn’t be able to pry further details. “But it sounds like you experienced a magical orgasm.”  
“A magical what?” asked Merlin and Arthur simultaneously.  
“A magical orgasm,” replied Kilgarrah as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “When a sorcerer or sorceress of sufficient power experiences a moment of sudden bliss, sometimes their magic fuels a more powerful orgasm than would be otherwise possible.”  
“So Merlin can have magical orgasms, but I can’t?” pouted Arthur? “Why does it seem everybody in Camelot gets to have magic but me?”  
Merlin responded: “Oh, quit complaining about not being a magical creature. It’s not like you’re Leon.”  
Leon was widely known as the least magical person in Camelot. Everyone was privately amazed by Leon’s restoration via the Cup of Life, just because he seemed to repel magic so strongly. Most spells that would work when he wasn’t around seemed to backfire spectacularly in his presence. So the idea of Leon enjoying a magical orgasm—as he often claimed—was quite preposterous.  
“Wait, don’t tell me Leon has magical orgasms. If he did, I’d probably have to kill myself,” complained Arthur.  
“No, Arthur, no magical orgasms for Leon. Although he’s certainly not complaining. If the rumors are true, everything about Percival is larger than average, so I doubt Leon is exactly suffering in bed.”  
“Please stop talking, Merlin.”  
“You’re picturing them together, aren’t you?”  
“I am now. Thanks for nothing, Merlin.”  
“You're quite welcome,” said Merlin cheekily. “Now, Kilgarrah, is that sufficient to grant my request?”  
“Yes, and the rest of the society will be so pleased to hear the news!”  
“Are you sure about that?” asked Arthur. “Wouldn’t they have to stop meeting?”  
“Why?”  
“Well, the group’s purpose would have been fulfilled. There would be no more need for meetings,” said Merlin as he decided to tag team with Arthur. “No more cookies, no more fresh boar’s meat.”  
“Wait? Boar’s meat?” griped Arthur. “The extra boars that we’re hunting have been feeding a dragon for the last few years and nobody saw fit to tell the king? When we get back, I’m putting you all in the stocks!”  
“I’m sorry,” offered Merlin, “I thought you knew. Besides, a fed dragon is a happy dragon, and a happy dragon won’t burn down the kingdom.”  
“Indeed,” replied Kilgarrah. “I should quite miss the boars. They’re quite tasty if you cook them properly. The key is to sear them on the outside before you cook it through. The extra second is worth it.”  
“And now I’ll never eat boar again. Much obliged, both of you.”  
Merlin tried to placate his king. “Quit it, Arthur. Did you not notice that you now have a dragon at your disposal?”   
“I suppose that could come in handy,” mused Arthur.   
“Just remember—I am *not a horse*,” huffed Kilgarrah.   
“A few ride requests and he thinks I think he’s an Uber,” muttered Merlin. In a much louder voice, he continued. “Fine, Kilgarrah, we’ll keep the rides to.a minimum. In the meanwhile, I think we’re done for now.”  
“Yes, we are. Until we meet again,” said Kilgarrah as he soared out of sight.  
Merlin returned his attention to his consort. “Let’s go home.”  
“Finally,” replied Arthur. “Will you do that thing again?”  
“Sure, but only if you *stop talking about it*. . . .”a


End file.
